ZOMBIE BLOOD ENERGY POTION
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ZOMBIE BLOOD ENERGY POTION
Zombie Blood contains the extra strong green zombie blood cells that helped zombies to become the strongest, most horrifying scourge on the face of our planet. These cells temporarily give you zombie strength in the form of additional energy for sports, long workdays, late night studying, or ironically, killing zombies with a cricket bat... learn more!
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FAQ About Zombies
Q: What is a Zombie?
A: Zombies are re-animated deceased humans, animals, etc. The re-animation is caused by a mutagenic compound which enters the deceased organism, revitalizes its nervous/cardiovascular system, and brings them "back to life".
Q: Are Zombies dangerous?
A: Much like humans and vampires, not all Zombies are dangerous. In fact, a recent census reported that only 45% of Zombies in the nation are considered hostile (a solid 15% down since 2009). Most Zombies can peacefully co-exist with humans and maintain healthy lifestyles.
Q: Will Zombies ignore me if I dress up like one of them?
A: We highly doubt it. From what we know, Zombies recognize their own kind through scent, not looks. We recommend not attempting to directly interact with or pass by a zombie by dressing up, and leave all interaction to a professional certified by the ZPA.
Q: I saw a bunch of movies about Zombies. Do those have any bearing on reality?
A: Simple answer: Yes.
Q: What should I do if a family member becomes a Zombie?
A: Once a person becomes a zombie, you must no longer consider them a family member. The zombified family member will need to be isolated by a certified professional for screening. If you have difficulty accepting their current turning, or are unsure of how to handle the situation, please contact the Zombie Protection Agency (ZPA).
Q: AHHH!! There are a ton of Zombies outside of my place!! What do I do?!?!
A: Unless you invited them over for a party, we suggest boarding up all windows, doors, turning off all sound-making devices, and heading up to the highest interior point of your house. We recommend avoiding basements, rooftops (we heard they learned how to climb), or vehicles. Also, please notify the ZPA immediately
Learn About Zombie Blood
Q: Why don't I get infected by drinking Zombie Blood?
A: As any schoolchild knows after the zombie apocalypse of 2010, the zombie virus H1FU2 is transmitted through zombie saliva, not through the blood, as was previously thought. That means that only a zombie bite can infect you. As a safety precaution, we test each batch of zombie blood for the presence of H1FU2 and verify that every drop of green delight is totally virus free.
Q: Why does Zombie Blood give me energy?
A: Zombie Blood contains the extra strong green zombie blood cells that helped zombies to become the strongest, most horrifying scourge on the face of our planet. These cells temporarily give you zombie strength in the form of additional energy for sports, long workdays, late night studying, or ironically, killing zombies with a cricket bat.
Q: Why does Zombie Blood taste like lime?
A: Why does rattlesnake taste like chicken? We don’t know, it just does.
Q: What’s the best way to drink Zombie Blood, warm, cold, 98.6F?
A: Drink it ice cold for best results. Zombie Blood is also good at room temperature. Zombie blood does not need to be refrigerated.
Q: How did you figure out that Zombie Blood gave humans energy and tastes great?
A: Credit for this discovery goes to Dr. Szasz and Dr. Rasmussen. Their work on creation of a zombie virus vaccine led to long hours at the lab working with zombie blood and salival venom. During an exceptionally late night and a double-dog dare by Dr. Szasz, Dr. Rasmussen drank a shot of zombie blood only to discover to his delight that it tasted remarkably like lime and gave him the energy he needed. After he convinced Dr. Szasz to stop screaming, “I can’t believe you actually did that!” and pointing one of the lab shotguns at his head, Dr. Rasmussen talked Dr. Szasz into trying a shot. The rest is history.
Please note: there is still no cure for zombification or the H1FU2 virus.
Q: How much caffeine is in a pouch of Zombie Blood
A: 80 mg of caffeine are in each pouch of the delicious undead nectar. (About the same as a Red Bull)
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intend
Ethical Treatment of Zombies
Q: Are your zombies humanely treated?
A: Is “humane” the word you’re really looking for? Our zombies are treated with the utmost respect and care deserving of the undead. While it is true that they are kept in cages, there is plenty of room for them to wobble back and forth and lurch toward passers by. We learned early on that manacles and chains are unnecessary and can pull off valuable limbs. We use only biodegradable bedding materials such as corn husks, oat hulls, and wood chips.
Although we can’t legally feed our zombies human brains, they receive a daily brain substitute made with texturized soy protein and delivered in a realistic animatronic mannequin that lets out authentic cries for help and pleas for mercy. They love it! We also don’t beat our zombies with shovels, hack at them with machetes, or shoot them in the faces with shotguns. “Life” at Harcos Laboratories is far more relaxed than in the real world, where zombies are routinely abused and even killed.
Q: Are your zombies natural?
A: As natural as the weaponized synthetic recombinant retrovirus that created them is! We only use zombies created by the original lab-experiment-gone-wrong H1FU2 virus and not any other weaponized apocalypse-causing death strains. Also, it is Harcos Laboratories policies not to create any new zombies, instead we harvest one of the billions of naturally occurring zombies.
Q: How is Zombie Blood extracted?
A: Zombie Blood is extracted using the safest and most humane methods known. When it’s a zombie’s turn to be milked, it is walked down to our extraction lab. There, a trained phlebotomist straps down the zombie, carefully cleans either a remaining patch of skin, or a vein directly, and inserts a standard IV needle. Less than 2 pints of blood are extracted in each session. The zombie is given a cookie and some orange juice, and then walked back to its cage.
Q: How can I arrange a tour of Harcos Laboratories?
A: Due to several incidents, tours are no longer given of our zombie lab or related research facilities. On a related note, we recently acquired more zombies to bleed.
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